I love you
Please forgive me.
I thank you.
This chant was my morning meditation.
On the back of Mother’s Day with all the scripted Mother Guilt, I can muster.
Yesterday I had a lovely amazing lunch with my daughter.
Yesterday I spoke to my son who is currently living in Japan.
Yesterday I ate dinner with my son in Norfolk; a dinner we co-created.
They are each and of themselves extraordinary people. I believe that our souls agreed to come in together at this time and this place. I am experiencing over and over again angst about what I haven’t given them or done for them or could do for them…and, now, for my grandchildren. My intellect knows that is ridiculous. These people are bright, intelligent, fierce, creative, extraordinary. I wasn’t able to protect them from Life. The irony is, had I protected them the way that I wanted to in my own mind, they would not have the richness or become the people they are today. How sad for them to be innocent at 35. No, that isn’t the kind of life I would want for them.
I’ve been teased about using words like “sacred” and “precious” when I referred to my children unabashedly throughout their early childhood and their youth. Now my progeny get it. They are vulnerable as parents. They experience pain when their kids have a fever, when they hurt, and when they are angry.
So, dear Granddaughter, I ask your forgiveness for not having an answer for you on this day. I am sorry grandchildren that I don’t have a bigger car to come get you today from the Heartland. Even as I write possibilities of how to get them bubble up. I will be in Japan for Christmas.
Today I am forgiving myself for perpetuating a story that does not serve the beauty that you are. I am rewriting my story right now. I am so grateful.
It is with great gratitude that I experience being Mother and Grandmother and with that I am connected to all Mothers everywhere so to all Beings everywhere.
And so it is. Blessed Be.